We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
