Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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