it wasn't lemon gatorade
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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