3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
