do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
