Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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