I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
