I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
