My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
