Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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