I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
