My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
