I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm just crazy horny about you
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
