one might say we're banned from that church
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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