Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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