i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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