I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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