question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
