I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
