She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
