is this the sara with the beer cane?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
