Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
