just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
