"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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