Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
the day after is always just damage control
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
