Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Sorry about my life...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
