Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
