Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
