I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
