bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize