Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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