I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
