my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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