When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Randomize
