Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
