Only a mothe r could love this liver
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Walk of Shame today included voting.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
