i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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