he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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