a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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