i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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