dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
