What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
