just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
