my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
