I haven't been this sober since birth.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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