Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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