Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Your penis caused this!
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
