i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
