and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
