Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize