I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
