woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
