I think I just saw someone hide a body.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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