if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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