Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Are we still banned from the library?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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