I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
