I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Randomize
