I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
