thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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