Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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