I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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