Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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