i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
