Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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