If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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