I wish i was in the wii world.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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