i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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