please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
