Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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