I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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