Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize