Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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