Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
