I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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