I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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