I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
